Saturday, October 12, 2002

Bengals' jokes (at least) score


'Bungles' keep TV, Web in stitches

By Mike Pulfer
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Perhaps the best Bengal bang for your entertainment buck lies in a lateral toss from a comedian.

Why doesn't Dayton have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati would want one.

LOL. More fun than a winning Hail Mary at the end of the fourth.

How can you tell when the Bengals are going to run the ball?

The back leaves the huddle crying.

Har. Har.

What do you call a Cincinnati Bengal with a Super Bowl ring?

A thief.

You don't have to wait for Sunday's game against the Steelers in Paul Brown Stadium to get a laugh. Jokes about the Bengals are everywhere. On the street. On television. On the Internet.

They're clever and dull. Mean and mild. Funny and not-so-funny.

Why was (head coach) Dick LeBeau upset when somebody stole the Bengals' playbook?

Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Not everyone is laughing, of course.

HO HO HO
Two good sources for jokes about the Bengals are online at www.pasteeaters.com and www.newsmax.com. Want more? Here you go:

What do you call 47 people sitting around a television watching the NFL playoffs?
The Cincinnati Bengals.

What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and the Taliban?
The Taliban has a running game.

What do Bengals and possums have in common?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

"We're too busy over here to pay attention to jokes," says one of the city's biggest boosters, Raymond L. "Buz" Buse, the usually lighthearted spokesman for the Chamber of Commerce of Greater Cincinnati. "The silver lining is that, when the Bengals do turn things around, they're going to have the last laugh."

The chamber, he said, has not taken an official position on Bengals humor.

How do you keep a Bengal out of your backyard?

Put up a goal post.

Andrew Wash, owner of ValleyByWeb, which operates a Web site called PasteEaters.Com from Columbus, says the Bengals-jokes page is a compilation of humor created, amended and submitted by site users.

"I'm pretty sure most of them are just somebody taking on an easy target," he said. "And I'm a Bengals fan ... when it comes to professional football."

What's the difference between the Bengals and a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

"It's not hard to find these jokes," Mr. Buse says. "But you could apply them anytime to any team that's not doing well.

"I believe the Bengals are one or two players away from being truly competitive. ... I think the Bengals have a heck of a shot of winning this weekend and ... could legitimately have three wins under their belts shortly."

Where do you go in case of a tornado?

Paul Brown Stadium. They never get a touchdown there.

And if the Bengals don't win when they're in the stadium this weekend, at least they will provide enough winning humor to keep Jay Leno employed. Cincinnati was very good to him this week:

Did you know President Bush came to Cincinnati - to declare Paul Brown Stadium a disaster area?

More from Jay:

Actually, he figured no one in Cincinnati would be watching Monday Football, so it would be the perfect place to give a speech.

Very funny, Jay. That's about as funny as when you told this one:

Scientists say they have discovered a tiger breed they didn't know existed. It has no sharp teeth or claws, no way of protecting itself - it's call the Cincinnati Bengal Tiger.

E-mail mpulfer@enquirer.com



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