Monday, September 16, 2002
Bengals invent bizarre ways
to be bad
CLEVELAND - When did you shoot your TV?
Was it when Neil Rackers dropped the snap on the would-be fake field goal/pooch punt in the first quarter? The play was so botched, no one away from the Bengals' sideline could divine what, exactly, was intended.
A fake and a pass? A fake and a punt? A fake and the opening dance scene from Les Miserables?
Did you hold off after that one? Were you an optimist, a diehard, someone who figured that if you shot the TV, you'd have to do something equally insane, such as listen to the game on the radio?
If you refrained from killing your television at that point, you likely saw Gus Frerotte try a left-handed pass in the second quarter. It was a good plan, except Frerotte is right-handed.
Facing a smothering from Cleveland's Orpheus Roye, Garo Frerotte flipped a 5-yarder to the Browns' Kenard Lang, who overcame his shock long enough to catch the pass and run 72 yards with it. Frerotte, bless him, made the tackle. He also secured a significant spot in the Bengals' buffoonery archive which, as we know, ain't easy to do.
TV still breathing? Well, Corey Dillon had to leave the game earlier in that drive. He had cramps in his legs because his uniform pants were too tight. “Uniform constriction,” Bengals coach Dick LeBeau explained, was cutting off Dillon's circulation.
As Steve Martin once said, comedy isn't pretty. Did we mention Cincinnati lost to the Browns, 20-7? Is it necessary?
The team's spin on this one was that they made progress. They tried hard.
It was a really close game, LeBeau decided. There are “a lot of games like this in the National Football League,” the coach, bless him, said. “Funny games.”
The 20-7 loss featured two “very evenly matched teams.” It was “a very evenly matched game.”
This could be the message from a coach trying very hard to keep his club from melting down. High hopes have given way to Bengal-ness. It's only taken two weeks. The alternate version of what occurred Sunday goes something like this:
The Bengals couldn't score for 54 minutes on a team that gave up 40 points last week. The Bengals needed to give Corey Dillon the ball 30 times.
Cleveland couldn't stop him. He got it 22 times. The Browns couldn't run or stop the run. They had 12 penalties. They started a backup quarterback. They didn't have their best defensive player (Jamir Miller) or their best defensive lineman (Courtney Brown). They started a patched-up offensive line that was musical chairs all week. They had the game won after three quarters.
Other than into Jay Leno's monologue, I'm not sure where the Bengals go from here.
Teams that praise their own effort are losing teams. No one in a chronically winning locker room says, “We fought hard.” Fighting hard is a given.
They could change the QB. Frerotte has created 13 points this year.
It's not all his fault, but it is his problem. “We'll take a good look at that.” LeBeau said. “I don't want to. Let these guys get a chance to grow and get it going. That's what I want.”
“It's not going to happen,” Frerotte said of a switch. He asked for patience: “I'm still new to this system.”
Here's a suggestion: Find a quarterback who's good enough, you're not replacing him every spring.
A QB switch - not to Jon Kitna, but to Akili Smith, who, bless him, might be doomed to having a future with this club - would at least be a diversion, something to re-route the pain. Kind of like curing a backache by slamming your temple with a ballpeen hammer.
As it is, the Bengals seem to have overcome NFL legitimacy again. Bless 'em all.
E-mail pdaugherty@enquirer.com
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DAUGHERTY: Bengals invent bizarre ways to be bad
